Goodbye Danny
by jprophyl
Summary: Danny was in Hell and the closest words he could find to describe it was soul piercing loneliness. What haunted him the most was that this Hell was a hell of his own choosing.
1. Goodbye Danny

This is a three part story told from Danny's point of view.

the lyrics to Lacey's song were originally written by me. Oh and I don't own Twisted or its characters.

* * *

Goodbye Danny"...

Danny was in Hell and the closest words he could find to describe it was soul piercing loneliness. The oppressive endless quiet, and the mind numbing monotony melded with daily bouts of heartbreak and constant regret. Yeah Danny mused bitterly that type of Hell.

Mini novellas that the Born again Christians handed out at busy street corners didn't tell you that True Hell was more of a feeling of loss than nightmarish depictions of swirling lava pits surrounded by flames.

Danny had decided firmly after years of living like this, that this life was the real Hell. Insidious, Draining, Empty and Seemingly Never ending. And with every year that passed the Loneliness became stifling and more terrifying than any booklet he had ever read.

It became a mini death that erased him little by little until he faded into a ghost like existence neither present nor absent from the activities going on around him.

As he raked his hands through his slowly thinning hair the idea that haunted him the most was that this Hell was a hell of his own choosing.

He could have kept her. She forgave him time after time, lie after lie because she thought that he loved her in the way that she loved him ,and he did, But..., he was afraid of her light. It was too honest and asked too much of him that he wasn't ready to give her. So he made his choice to stay in the darkness

Back then he thought at least he was lucky enough to have had a first one of living without her or the other of living with someone while living without her.

Like the coward he was he chose the latter.

Like the fool he was he thought his choice would make the pain easier

And like the Failure he was he ended up making the worst mistake of his life.

It didn't help that she had left Green Grove behind to move on to bigger and better things. Maybe if her music wasn't playing on every radio he could put the sound of her voice behind him..

"Goodbye Danny".. she said the last time he saw her. A lonely tear escaping her closed lids as she kissed him on the head and then turning around she got into the cab and she was gone.

He could hear her voice calling to him in the lyrics of her songs like the letters that she promised she would write but never did. They accused him of breaking her heart of changing her inside or leaving her alone unprotected when she needed him most.

When the sound of her was too much he would run home to escape her and find peace, but in Hell there is no peace. On every magazine and Billboard her stilled face dreamily gazed up aglow with confidence and contentment.

On Late night shows they churned out jokes about her sainted persona when she teamed up with legendary rock stars to promote her charity for women

Entertainment News sites showed paparazzi following her as she politely smiled walking through them perfectly posh and put together with the wind blowing through her hair. Large dark sunglasses covered her doe brown eyes as she ignored rumors of the latest sighting of her with A-list Hollywood Stars on her way to some event or award show.

If he didnt know her he would believe her irresistible persona was just hyped up Hollywood magic but he did know her and she was as amazing as everyone thought she was.

Selfishly he had realized too late that the qualities she possessed that she hsd freely offered to him were hard to find in most. A gift that you didn't take for granted unless you were as selfish as he was trying desperately to destroy that gift with childish mind games so that being with her didn't make him feel so uncomfortable. So that instead of him becoming better she could come down, closer to his level.

And maybe just Maybe If they didn't force him to watch her become an even more beautiful woman and person than she already was maybe then he could leave the thoughts of her behind and exist in this Hell pretending that the last time he saw her would not be the last time but rather a series of missed opportunities between old friends to meet up when their lives weren't so busy.

Maybe letting her go was the only redeeming thing he had ever done.

Her light could shine and other people

could appreciate what he probably would have taken for granted had she stayed.

Still there was an unyielding part of him that believed that she belonged to him and It was an unbearable weight feeling as if she was near to him in so many ways when in every way that counted she was so far away, unavailable to his undying affection for her.

It was in this distracted state that

Danny sat blankly with Good Morning America playing in the Living Room as he made his morning coffee.

He heard her voice again and turning around quickly there she was on the Television apparantly promoting her album She was dressed in a white form fitted lace halter dress and white full length gloves. Her hair laying in thick black ringlets on her shoulder.

For the first time in many months Danny felt something stir inside him. Excitement perhaps. Who Knew? It had been so long since Danny had really felt anything remotely close to this and watching her all he could think was that her being there meant that she was nearby or at least not so far away in some exotic country whose name he couldn't pronounce.

Readying herself to perform. She brushed her hair off her shoulders and Danny felt the longing to touch her that used to plague him whenever they were together form a chorus of butterflies in his stomach.

At that moment she picked up her mic and gazed sadly into the camera as if she was looking directly at and then through Danny instictively sensing somehow that he was watching her intently. Lowering her lashes she smiled a brilliant smile that her dimple emphasized like an exclamation point and an eerie calm descended on Danny who became lost in her again.

Her voice cut through the thick silence. Minny Rippertonesque in its pitch and smoothness. A hypnotizing bluesy pop ballad of low guitar chords and piano highs began to play.

*When you love someone, all you want is their affection, ooh ooh

So when did love become a battle for my man's attention

I'm not naive but I believe in love that is old fashioned.

A love you give to me with honesty and all your passion

S say

Eyes only

Eyes only fooor meee

Eyes only ee

Eyes only oon me...

The song became soundtrack as Danny remembered back to the last time he saw her.

She was standing there with her bags on the stoop waiting for the cab to the airport.

"Whats Going On" he yelled "You were really gonna leave without telling me weren't you"?

She didn't deny it she simply asked "How did you find out"?

"Your mom called Tess to let Jo know and she told me, not that it matters since I wouldve known if you'd answer my calls once in while

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME DANNY"? She screamed as she hopelessly wrapped her arms around herself...

The song continued and she wrapped her arms around herself letting her hand trail down her body playing on her sensuality with a slow sway of her hips.

*So how can I believe

When you say

I'm your one and only

The choice for me is live a lie or

finally leave you lonely

*So II saay...

Her voice faded into the background as the memory became clearer...

"I wish"... I just want everything to be back to the way it was before".he said pleading "I care about you"..

"STOP"! "Just stop it Danny okay" she snapped. "Im so tired of what you want". "My life has been consumed with what YOU want since you came back". "But you can't have it both ways. I can't sit here and watch you figure out which one of us is the better choice for you at the moment while I'm paralyzed here afraid to move on and afraid not to. It's always been Jo so be with her and let me go"...

The guitar stopped and all that could be heard were the tinkling keys of the piano as She began talking softly

*Love me in your need then leave me.

Broken on the ground and bleeding

I choose you, I always choose you before me

Why oh why can't I make you adore me...

"That's not it" Danny said "I'm not trying to string you along Lacey". "I..care about you more than you know. Its just that with Jo it's different she accepts things about me that you wouldnt and with her I don't have to be this upstanding perfect person that you want me to be".

"You think I wanted you to be perfect". She spat out bitterly "Your imperfections were why I loved you". "They made me step outside of myself and be someone I would never have allowed myself to be". "I never wanted you to be perfect Danny what I wanted was for you to trust me enough to know that I could see your imperfections and still love you anyway" "Anyway it doesn't matter anymore I'm leaving i have to get away from here and It's not because you don't love me now it's because it's obvious from that statement and from the way that you see me that you never did". "I've risked and lost everything for you including my self respect". "My love for you was all I had left"...

Soft high riffs floated above the melody as she finish the song

*Eyes only

Eyes only on me

Eyes only

Eyes only for meeeeee

Your eyes my eyes

Inside I see in

Your eyes my eyes your eyes

Only for me...

The Taxicab pulled up silently at the curb and she grabbed her overnight bag slinging it over her shoulder.

"Don't worry Danny there's no hard feelings. I'll write to you guys as soon as I get settled in Seattle".

She walked past him to the car as the driver exited to grab the rest of her luggage.

Panic formed a knot in Danny's throat and he reached out grabbing her arm and swinging her around.

He needed to tell her now. She needed to know that he loved her that he always had.

That his life would be meaningless if she wasn't in it. Their eyes met and he saw the tears shining in them as she looked Into him and then through him

"Lacey I ... I...

But he couldn't make the words come because she was right. He knew she loved him but loving her meant that Danny had to stop hiding himself. Lacey had an uncanny ability to read him and she wouldn't let him keep secrets from her even the darkest one he kept that he didn't feel that he deserved her love or any body else's.

He was still the broken little boy in Juvie and even though both Jo and Lacey loved him Lacey understood him too well to let him shrink back into himself. She would challenge him. Expect things from him like honesty and unbroken trust and in return she would have complete faith in him.

The idea of that weighed heavily on Danny.

What if he couldn't be "that" person.

What if he was just like his father and he had children that grew up resenting him for all the pain his reputation and past caused them. Jo would accept that he didn't want children as she accepted with a little manipulation most things he said.

With Lacey her love was all or nothing.

So he made his decision.

"I'm gonna miss you" he said pulling her in for a hug as he silently breathed her in.

"I'm gonna miss you too"."Goodbye Danny" she said A lonely tear escaping her closed lids as she kissed him on the head and then turning around she got into the cab and she was gone...

The sound of the audience standing around the square was still before giving her long standing ovation that pulled Danny out of his flashback.

She smiled and gave two graceful curtsies as the host ran over to the stage with flowers.

When the applause died down the host began to talk.

"Wow your performance was amazing and

"You're glowing" she screamed out as the crowd screamed back in approval many holding signs saying "We love you Lacey"

and "Marry me Lacey".

"Thank you" she said and paused coyly biting her bottom lip which made Danny suddenly wonder what she was thinking

"So you're here today with British Pop Star Shane from "One Way Street" the host continued "Performing your new duet" "Dark Twisted Love" Is there any truth to the rumors of you two dating".

She looked behind her backstage and the camera cut away to focus on Shane as he walked towards her from the partition. Deafening roars sounded off around him and then standing behind her to the shock of everyone watching including Danny he wrapped one arm around her waist lifted up her left hand and pulled off her glove to reveal a beautiful gold and diamond encrusted band on her ring finger.

She smiled as he turned the band around to the front to reveal a princess cut diamond to the crowd. Leaning her head against him she tilted her head up they as they kissed each other with the ease of a couple that had been together for years.

"There you have it" the host said as the continued kissing "Shane and Lacey".

The crowd continued to scream as the show went to commercial.

"I love you Lacey" Danny said sadly glaring at the screen wondering when his Hell would ever end.


	2. Hello Lacey

Walking into the house after grocery shopping Jo found Danny sitting in the armchair staring at the television, her entrance jarring him from his thoughts.

"Hey Danny" she said looking at him to gauge his mood as she so often did

"Hey Jo" he said flatly as he gave his wife a brief perfunctory kiss.

"Wow is that Lacey". "She looks great" Jo said trying to start a conversation. She began nervously pulling at random pieces of lint on her sweater which suddenly felt dowdy compared to Lacey's designer dress.

"Yeah she does" Danny said absently

Turning back to the television he continued to watch as Lacey informed the interviewer that she and Shane had met two years prior at the first event for her charity W.O.W. which stood for "Women opposing War".

Shane whose mother was Afghani happened to serve on the board of trustees at the time and had set the two up after working with Lacey on a women's shelter.

"Well I'm just going to put these away" she said walking towards the kitchen with the bags after a long silence where Danny remained unresponsive.

They had long since at least on Danny's end stopped pretending that they were in love. The daily stress of it was more taxing than just accepting that this life that they created was something that they both were resigned to.

"So... I have some news" Jo said coming back into the living room to stand in front of the Television just as Danny saw Shane lift Lacey's ring hand to kiss it.

"Whaaa" Danny said craning his neck to see around her.

Her lips pursed into two thin lines as she glared at him and replied "Well since you're sooo busy I won't tell you what Mrs. Porter told me this morning when I ran into her at the supermarket".

Danny's ears immediately perked up and he decided to employ charm to find out as much as he could.

" Look Jo honey, I'm Sorry" "I'm not busy it's just that this" he said referring to Lacey and Shane on the television "is a big announcement". "I mean to think we grew up with Lacey when she hated wearing dresses and now she's a famous recording artist getting engaged to some aging boy band singer" he added slyly.

"Well to me Shane looks even better since he went solo " Jo retorted knowing Danny's assessment of him was based on his own bitterness.

"I mean look at them they're so beautiful and perfect together". Somewhere deep inside of her Jo hoped that this news would finally close the door on any hopes Danny had for him and Lacey allowing him to finally give her his all.

"Her life sure has changed". "Its probably so glamorous and amazing". "I mean how does somebody go from a small town like Green Grove to L.A. and then to Afghanistan and Sudan working with the U.N. as a goodwill ambassador". "She's become so different now that she probably won't be able to relate to us regular folks".

"Nah" Danny said nostalgically remembering the unshed tears that reflected in Lacey's eyes during her performance earlier when she waved to the cheering crowd. "She's still the same".

He reached over to the remote turning off the television. "You have my undivided attention". "What did you want to tell me"?

"As I was saying" Jo continued excited."This is all in confidence okay so please don't tell anyone what i'm going to tell you because Mrs. Porter made me swea...

"Jo". Danny snapped then reeled himself back in as he saw the expression on her face change to annoyance. "Honey". "Of course you have my word that I won't tell"

" I mean look at me I'm a master at keeping secrets right" he added as he smiled trying to charm her back into a good mood.

"Okaay fine" she said partly because she was unable to keep the secret to herself but mostly because part of her selfishly wanted Danny to know.

"Mrs. Porter told me that Lacey is coming to Green Grove with Shane this afternoon to introduce him to her". "They even rented out Johnny cakes for a private engagement party and she asked ME to come by to wish them well". "Can you imagine Danny, Shane coming to Green Grove and I get to meet him"!

"Did she say anything about me coming" he asked tentatively his stomach reeling from the news that Lacey would be here so close to him in a just a few hours and that he might not be able to see her.

"She didn't say you couldn't come just that she wanted to make sure that the party was peaceful for everyone involved and not..

"Not miserable and filled with the kind of drama that follows Danny Desai wherever he goes". Danny said filling in the blanks. Disgust painted his face into a deep scowl and he rose to get up heading towards the bedroom. "That's what you meant right".

"Its not that Danny" Jo said realizing her mistake in wording. "Its just that you and Lacey have such a complicated history". "I mean you've moved on and now so has she". Maybe Lacey felt like it would be best to just leave it alone".

"I.. I could talk to her...convince her to come visit us while she's here".

But Danny had stopped listening. All he could hear were his own fragmented thoughts of his inherent inferiority.

Prerecorded messages replayed over and over in his mind, that were always present and waiting to reinforce that no matter how hard he tried to be good, he would never, ever be good enough.

He was a convict, a liar, and a failure. He would never be the girl his mother wanted or measure up to the son his father had wanted him to be, Not that it mattered anymore since his father was a lying psychopathic murderer just like him and Danny had proved to everyone that they were right about him all along.

No wonder Lacey had left him. Once again he bitterly wished that he was never born into this darkness, that he could be with her in another time or place or as another person in the way that she deserved that they both could be free to love without the sins of their fathers holding them back.

"Why Did You Fucking Tell Me Then" he yelled becoming increasingly enraged at the idea of Jo thinking that SHE should be the person to talk to Lacey for him. "I Don't Need You To Talk To Lacey". "I Was Closer To Her Than You Ever Were Just In Case You Forgot That She Didn't Invite You Either".

Jo made a motion towards Danny but he was already too far gone. He stood there trembling in rage his nostrils flaring in and out, a dark emptiness clouding over his eyes.

She held herself back, afraid and unsure of what to do next.

He quickly turned around and walked into the bedroom slamming the door hard enough to knock a mirror off the living room wall. He covered his face with his hands sliding down the other side of the door trying to fight the gnawing pains of his heart breaking like he was losing her all over again...

"Lacey.. Lacey wait ..." Danny called out suddenly running, following after her as the blur of her cab faded into the distance.

"Wait for me... Wait for me..".

Danny collapsed into a pile right there on the sidewalk unable to care anymore what anyone thought as he cried out for missed opportunities, for love lost, for the sadness that began creeping in on him from all sides.

"Please wait for me..." he said in between hyperventilated gasps as the panic set in...

Resting his head back something inside of Danny broke and he cried. He cried with everything in him. With anguished sloppy sobs that rocked him from the inside and exhausted him, with angry grunts of frustration til no tears were left, until his breathing calmed down and he could form rational thoughts again. In that moment for the first time in years Danny felt... something.

He had experienced real raw pain, paralyzing rage, that was as electrifying as it was cathartic and... he began to feel a renewed sense of hope however slight.

The fogginess and haze lifted traces of guilt still laid there just beneath the surface of his psyche and Danny knew he had to see Lacey just one more time, that the process of healing himself somehow had to begin with her.

It was 12:00 noon and Lacey was standing in her old bedroom looking around. She was alone, marveling at the things she saw as if she was lost in her memories of moments she had shared before.

She didn't see him watching her but she must've felt it because she periodically turned towards the tree outside of her window searching for something. Danny was high up, hidden in the branches of the Old Oak, peering out, having been there hours before anticipating her arrival.

He had seen her pull up in an unmarked car about 45 minutes earlier without Shane he noted. She exited the car surrounded by two security guards who walked ahead of her to the door.

She had changed since this morning into a pair of blue jeans, a black and white striped tee and black heels. Her hair was curly and tucked behind her ears and she didn't look as if she had aged a day since the last time he saw her.

Her mother answered and they both erupted into fan girl screams as they embraced.

Mrs Porter had seemed so empty remaining behind in Green Grove since Lacey had left eight years earlier that it was good to see her clearly elated at the sight of her firstborn.

"Welcome home" she shouted before the women and Lacey's security detail disappeared into the house. Lacey's bags were dropped off seconds later as they swept through her room apparently deeming it safe before they left. He had been waiting for her ever since, rehearsing what he would say to her and going back and forth with himself about whether he should stay or leave.

His nerve began faltering with every minute that passed and he had resigned himself to leaving when she walked into the room. Still he watched and waited, unsure of how she would receive him.

She rummaged through her drawer and pulled out a worn hardcover book, lightly grazing her hands over the cover. She opened it in the middle and in between the pages was a small pressed flower that she picked up, stroking the petals delicately with her finger. A flower that Danny had given to her when they were kids.

It was then that Danny climbed down and perched on the branch just outside. She tilted her to the side sensing his presence again and turned around.

When she saw him sitting there her eyes widened and a beautiful bright smile accented by her deep dimple formed on her face. She rushed over to the window and opened it wide taking Danny by surprise.

"Danny" she squealed her excitement barely contained as she extended her hand to him "Get in here"!

She pulled him into a hug and he silently breathed her in relaxing into her arms.

When they pulled apart arms still encircling one another brown eyes met brown and held fast as he said the words to her that he had wanted to say but feared he'd never be able to for so long.

"Hello Lacey".


	3. Goodbye Lacey

"Took you long enough" Lacey said as they finally separated. "I was hoping you'd be on the doorstep when I got here instead of seeing you later on at the party".

"Wait.. What" Danny said surprised at what she'd just said. "You wanted me to come to the party"?!

"Of course I did, didn't my mother give you the invitation"?. Lacey asked "She said she made sure you got it".

"But Jo said...".

"Jo"? Lacey continued puzzled "How would she know about it"? "I didn't even invite her".

You two still talk? You know what you probably do?.

Danny's stomach bottomed out, as a few things dawned on him. First that Jo had purposely chosen to lie about him being invited to Lacey's engagement party. She had twisted the entire conversation to make it seem like Lacey didn't want him there when it was her who wasn't wanted.

And Second, Lacey didn't know that he and Jo were married. She had probably invited herself to the party just so she could remind Lacey of that fact. Perhaps the part Jo played in Danny's torment wasn't so innocent after all.

Oh What he wouldn't give right now so that Lacey was the one he called his wife, so that he could trade hell in for heaven.

It was as if Jo's presence in his life brought nothing but bad with it and Danny was beginning to realize what a sociopath he had been dealing with all along

'Well played Jo' he thought "Well played".

"Danny are you okay"? Lacey asked rousing him from his bitter thoughts.

"I am now" he said looking at her, a dying man suddenly hopeful at the prospect of redemption. She looked so much more beautiful in person than he remembered her to be and the familiar feeling of dazed awe crossed his features as he gazed at her.

"I'm sorry to hear about your mother" she said grounding him back in reality. "I hope to love my children half as much as Karen loved you"she said."How are you holding up"?

What he wanted to say is 'I'm broken, I've been lost since you left and even more so now that my mothers gone' but he lied and said "I'm Fine".

"Come Sit", she ordered as she sat down on her bed patting the place next to her." Talk to me".

"Won't your fiancé get jealous" he asked emphasizing fiancé a little more than he planned to as he sat down.

"Nah, Shane isn't like that". She said as she smiled when she uttered his name. "He knows why I came back".

"And Why did you come back Lace"? Danny questioned using the name he used whenever they were intimate, hoping beyond hope that the universe had heard him and that she had indeed come back for him.

"Wow, nobody's called me that for years" she said musing for few seconds". "But .. To answer your question Danny, I came back for closure".

"I'm at a place in my life where I'm finally happy and I wanted to come back to close the door on a part of my life that I experienced a lot of sadness".

When Lacey saw the look of pain that passed across his face, she said "Danny I didn't mean you". "I still look at our relationship as one of the things that taught me how to become the person I am today".

"What do you mean"? He asked truly confused.

"If it wasn't for you, I never would've learned that certain things in life are worth the risk and you have to take them consequences be damned".

"No the reason I came back was because, well, seeing as I'm finally settling down my mother's decided to sell the house and live her life". "She was gonna announce it tonight at the party.

"So I came back to say goodbye and walk away from the past, this house, and all these memories instead of running away this time". "But before I did I needed to see you".

Danny sat still taking in everything she said measuring each word and weighing it against his own experience.

But instead of the peace Danny sought when he went to visit Lacey, Panic and Anger set in when he realized that the last trace hold he had to Lacey was leaving Green Grove.

"Talk to me" she said then biting her lip she added as encouragement. "At one time I was your friend Danny". "I hope that I still can be".

"Its just" Danny said frustrated at how hard it was to open up, but Lacey waited patiently as he tried to form the words "I... "I waited for your letters every day. I wished for you to come home every Holiday, but you never wrote, you never came back".

"Why"? "If I wasn't the reason then I don't understand why you avoided me all these years".

Lacey pursed her lips seemingly lost in thought.

She took his hand after a while a placed it on her lap.

"I need to tell you something, something I've always wanted to tell you, but I couldn't.

"Promise me one thing you will hear me out before you judge me".

He nodded his consent preparing himself for the worst.

"Do you remember our first time"?

It was amazing and special but we were careless".

She blew out a breath.

"That night We made a serious mistake that we couldn't take back but I didn't find out how serious until later...

"I can't believe I let you... Lacey said rage flushing her face as her cheeks turned red

She walked up to Danny so that he heard the finality in her voice "Were done" she said pushing past him to her car.

She was halfway there when she began feeling dizzy and light headed.

Jo caught up to her and began rubbing her back.

"Hey are you okay"? She asked watching Lacey struggle to maintain her balance.

"I'm fine" she said I just need to get something to eat". "I can't remember eating anything since way before Clara's party". "She stood up as the dizzy spell passed smoothing out her dress".

"Look Lacey I know you're upset about Danny lying to us" Jo said. "I am too but we can't let him think that its okay, we did the right thing walking away".

"I know I know we did, I'm probably just tired". "Today has been a crazy day for me". She said regaining her bearings.

"Yeah it has" Jo agreed

"I'm gonna drop you off and head home to get some rest" she said suddenly more tired than she had ever remembered feeling.

Once she got home she was too tired to eat anything but before she could sleep she got an anonymous notification in her email that she wished she never opened. She rubbed her eyes tiredly staring at the screen...

"Then everything began happening at once". Lacey said holding back tears. "The sex tape and you getting expelled for poisoning Cole. Me finding out about Archie the investigation, you were on the run and then you came back Danny you were free. We could finally be together and for a small while we were but the morning we broke up I found out...

Oh my god" Lacey thought as she looked at the test in front of her. She was alone in the bathroom trying to read the directions hoping she had taken it wrong.

"Oh no no no no" she cried. She had suspected it and feared it, silently dreading the possibility by herself.

It had been four weeks since their first time together unprotected and as all the events surrounding Danny had finally calmed she had waived her strange mood swings, headaches and exhaustion off to stress waiting for her period to come and calm her anxiety.

When it failed to show, Lacey went to the pharmacy and picked up the test hoping beyond hope that it was stress. Praying that it was just because she and Danny were in a bad place right now. But the bleeding angry pink lines stood there as confirmation.

When she picked up the second test and it showed the same results as the first, Lacey erupted into tears...

"Lacey are you telling me.." Danny said as his throat tightened holding back the overwhelming feeling that hearing her say it was going to break him.

"Shh.. Danny you promised to let me finish. Please". "I'm not sure I'll be able to, if you don't" she said.

"That night we broke up and I feel like I have to explain my frame of mind at the time Danny". "You were so distant lately and I looked at that night as a chance for us to start over, for us to finally be open and honest now that I had proven I had your back". "I was going tell you. I even brought the test with me to show you". "Then you confessed to killing your dad"...

"You don't see it do you". "Its been Jo all along" Lacey said her heart heavy after finding out that Danny and Jo had kept the secret of Danny killing his father.

No matter how many times she pleaded with him to be honest with her he didn't trust her enough, He didn't love her enough to let her know him, all of him.

She walked away from the lies and Danny and away from any hope she had for their future.

Later on at the diner she sat alone, broken crying inconsolably. She felt like she was always crying and emotional lately, but Danny coming back into her life had set her precarious situation into a tailspin, or more accurately a nosedive and she found she couldn't stop the onslaught of tears over the shattered remnants of her existence.

He had been keeping secrets from her and sharing them with Jo, and because of it they weren't together forcing Lacey to keep this enormous secret alone.

As if to accentuate the newest revelation a wave of nausea overcame her...

"When you didn't come after me and went to Jo instead I was heartbroken. I started hanging out with Whitney and it was fun but I still loved you Danny". "I comforted myself by saying that what we made, our baby", she gasped before continuing. "That Our baby was symbolic of the love we shared once". Saying it out loud Lacey began hyperventilating then tears erupted from her.

Danny wrapped his arms around her holding her, and smoothing her hair away from her face as she sobbed softly into his shoulder.

He tried in vain to stop his own flow of tears, to be strong for her, but he couldn't stop imagining what their children would look like.

He saw a beautiful brown baby girl with dimples and oceans of curly hair smiling up at him.

He saw a happy go lucky raven haired boy with onyx eyes and a mischevious tilt to his smile lying in his arms as he read him a story.

And he cried, He cried for the opportunities he had missed, for naive statements made when he was too inexperienced to know what he wanted.

Maybe he had never seen himself with children because he never dreamed that he could have a life with Lacey. But as she spoke of a child he never met his heart ached with a deep sense of loss.

Lacey sat up wiping the tears from her eyes and then she reached out tentatively wiping away his.

"I'm so sorry Danny" she said trying to compose herself.

" No I'm sorry but What happened Lacey" He struggled to say the next thought "What happened to our baby"?.

She sniffled, wiping away the remaining traces of wetness from her face

"I lost it, I mean her" Lacey said as she raised her hand to her stomach and began rubbing it unaware . "I always imagined it was a her and I would name her Naveah

She sniffled continuing "I was so sick and after Charlie's funeral It got worse ...".

It had been 2 weeks since Charlie's funeral and Danny stayed plastered to Jo's side refusing to let her out of his sight.

Lacey remained distant and bittersweet about Jo's rescue and safe return. She was glad that Jo was safe, but saddened that her happiness always seemed to come at Lacey's expense.

Lacey had spent countless hours since finding out, planning and replanning how she was going to care for the baby even toying with the idea of dropping out of school and getting her G.E.D. to avoid the stares and shame, to avoid the sight of Danny and Jo together.

In her spare time she looked up pictures of fetuses imagining what her baby must look like or she cried and slept. She found that singing the baby lullabies that she made up seemed to help calm her anxiety.

There was a lot of nausea and some spotting which the books said were normal but there was also a lot of heaviness, and back pain as if Lacey was carrying around 50 pounds in her pelvis.

Early one morning she woke up after a very fitful sleep to find her sheets stained bright red and clots of blood in the lining of her underwear. Panicking she took a shower but the thick uneven clots kept coming down along with violent cramping. By the time her mother had come to wake her up Lacey lay in an exhausted heap on her bed.

That morning she stayed home from school and even before she looked up the signs of miscarriage she knew she had had one from the hollow feeling of emptiness inside her...

Danny stood up pacing in circles.

"This is why I couldn't be with you". "I don't cause you anything but pain". "All I've ever done is cause the people I love pain".

"Danny Stop It"! Lacey said firmly halting him mid step.

"I didn't tell you to hurt you or guilt you".

"I told you because you deserved to know "I've lived with this secret for so long". "I actually came to understand what you meant when you kept secrets from me and you used to say you were trying to protect me". In a warped sort of way I get it". "I felt like by keeping this from you, I was protecting you too, but I realize that I was wrong because the truth was I was protecting me".

Danny sat back down then reached up and tenderly held her face in his hands. He looked into her eyes and his first instinct was to kiss her, but somehow he was sure that kissing her though his body craved it more than anything would have spoiled the connection they were feeling.

In this moment she was his Lacey, the love of his life, the mother of his child. She would always be his and he would always be hers.

He leaned his forehead against her

"You're right Lacey"."I was supposed to protect you, but I keep failing you and its because I keep secrets from you".

"If I had told you about the necklace or about my fathers death you and I and our baby would be together in a life that I'm certain, every time i look at you, I would want to live". "Not this lie I'm living now".

Her upturned face heightened His desire to kiss her again and feel the fullness of her plush lips on his but he held back by placing a soft kiss on her forehead instead.

When he moved away he said "No more".

"What do you mean"? Lacey asked unsure of what he meant.

"No more hiding from the truth and No more secrets". He said

The truth is I love you and its harder than anything I've ever done. I've always felt this way about you but I'm too late. Somebody else was smart enough to see how perfect you are but I will always love you and I will wait if I have to until another lifetime for us to be together but I will be with you". "I belong with you". "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before but I mean every word.

"There I said it" he said feeling lighter and more at peace.

"That was beautiful Danny "Lacey said

"You are beautiful" he said. "Inside and out".

She smiled and twirled a loose curl that had fallen away from his face around her finger. "So are you".

"Don't be so sure" he said grabbing her hand "I have something to tell you". "Promise You won't judge me Okay".

"I promise" she said sticking up two fingers and holding them to her heart.

"Jo and I are married" he mumbled, ashamed at the thought of it.

"Wait Danny you said it too fast "she said.

"I couldn't hear you"

"I married Jo" he said more deliberately.

"She is my wife" The silence was an uncomfortable option that Danny wished to avoid, so he did what he always did he filled it up with words. Words that pacified the listener and simultaneously soothed his conscience.

"I was young and she was there". "She was always there so I made a choice to be with her because I knew you were too good for me. I was afraid and she was so sure. She said that she accepted me, but I knew even back then we were making the wrong choice.

Realization dawned on Lacey's face. She was silent for a few minutes deep in thought and then she asked Danny an unexpected question.

"How would she feel knowing you are here"? Lacey asked

"I don't know"!."What does it matter how she feels" he said suddenly defensive.

"It matters because I'm about to be a wife and if I were to put myself in her shoes with our complicated history I'm pretty certain I would be devastated too if I knew you were here with me.

He pushed himself back the familiar feeling of misery creeping up on him. "So what are you saying"?

"Danny I'm not judging you, I'm engaged how could I?" ,"I'm saying that you don't need anymore secrets, it will just become another reason to separate you from someone who loves you".

"You were taught early on that secrets protect people but its a lie, look how much it's cost you already".

"So what do I do Lacey"? I've already made so many mistakes, You're telling me I should tell Jo I've just been using her as a placeholder or cheap substitute for you"?

"No I'm telling you that you should tell her everything". "Why you feel how you feel and, How you learned to feel that way. "See if she will accept you". "Anyone who truly loves you will".

"How can you be so sure"? He said

"Because I've lived it". "When I met Shane I still had feelings for you". "The thing is I never lied to Shane about that". "We became fast friends and he knew who you were to me and he loved me anyway". "That's why I came to love him so much and the trust we've built because of our shared honesty is stronger than any bond I could've made behind a lie.".

"If you really want things to be different, change them". "Talk to Jo tell her how you feel"."She is your wife, Let her know so she can decide if she wants to live this way".

"No more hiding from the truth remember"

Danny grinned at her

"What" Lacey said pursing her lips into a smirk.

"Look at you being all Mature and Wise. "I'm proud of you"

"Thanks Danny", "That means a lot to me". After a heavy sigh she said "Alright get going".

Danny knew what she meant so he gathered her into his arms one more time squeezing her tightly trying to capture the scent of her hair into his clothing

Walking to her window he opened it looking around one last time to imprint this moment into his memory he said "Goodbye Lacey"

She held up her finger telling him to give her a moment while she fished something out of her purse.

She placed a covered disc into his hand and said "No Danny, not Good Bye, Hello". "We'll meet again". "And maybe next time we'll get it right".

Climbing out her window and down the tree Danny landed on the ground feeling a renewed sense of hope and purpose.

"Next time Lacey I will get it right"!


End file.
